Asexuality updates

Early experiences of being asexual

I thought I’d share some of my recent experiences of being an “out” asexual. This covers a period of between one and two years.

I won’t say that the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive; rather, it hasn’t been negative. But that was very much in line with expectations. I didn’t want a mardi gras in my honour or to be commended by the town mayor; it’s just not that major. However, it did feel like a major thing at the time. It was the culmination of a process of realising that how I felt was broadly in line with the definitions of this thing called “asexuality”.

The biggest problem with telling people is that it’s not mainstream. In general, it’s not that well understood among the wider population. As a thing, it’s quite young, but what’s worse is that it’s hard to understand. For many asexuals, understanding sexuality is difficult; in a society where sexuality is not only the norm but, to some extent, a form of currency*, understanding what it is like to have that element removed must be almost impossible.

Since that time, I’ve been trying to meet other asexual people (albeit online) through specialist asexual social and “dating” websites. I’ve met some really lovely people through those sites — both in the UK and much, much further afield — and, who knows, perhaps one day I will meet some of them face-to-face. That prospect excites me. I still haven’t knowingly met another asexual in the flesh.

It leads to the question of dating and romantic relationships. I’ve given it a lot of thought, but there do not seem to be many answers, so perhaps I’m wasting my time. However, never say never.


* When I say sexuality is a form of currency, I don’t actually mean prostitution. Heard of the phrase “sex sells”? Then you must know what I mean. So many adverts — and products themselves — are presented on the premise that it is in some way associated with sex.

Diversification of the site

Hi everyone. It’s been a while. Sorry!

That’s not to say nothing has happened; on the contrary, much has occurred not least including a revamp of this website. I’m afraid I’ve ditched the idea of translating posts. I do enjoy translating posts and writing in other languages (reading my posts back in another language normally makes them feel more profound, somehow!). However, it was time-consuming and, though enjoyable, caused sufficient consternation to prevent me from posting more often.

So, you might have noticed that the my website is monochrome infused with purple. An odd colour choice? Well, it represents the asexuality symbol. Since I identify with the definitions of asexuality, I want to write more about it, as it’s still not really “mainstream” yet. That is, there are some people that (understandably) find it difficult to understand asexuality and some (not understandably) are hostile towards the idea. I don’t want to be a spokesperson or poster boy (ha!) for asexuality, but I hope by sharing what I find and experience there can be some sharing of understanding. That’s the plan, anyway.

I have also been working on Cramlington Today. It’s a bit of a pet project, where the pet is a rather large labrador. No, really, it’s a huge labrador. It’s a sweet, friendly and cuddly puppy that offers a lot to its owner but can sometimes be a little too big to handle. As a project, it’s the product of my wish to promote the town I live in, which is really an up-and-coming town that offers (and will offer) a lot to the region. Cramlington Today will eventually be a community project (I hope) and will be a tourism site, community site, and local business site rolled into one.

As I write this, I’m in Amsterdam. I’m having a short break and enjoying the delights of Benelux (minus Luxembourg). To give an itinerary of what I’ve visited so far (that’s Monday through to Friday): Den Haag (The Hague), Mauritshuis, the International Court of Justice, Bruges, the Artis Royal Zoo, Rembrandthuis, the Hermitage Museum, the Holland International boat tour, the Amsterdam ArenA and the Rijksmuseum. Tomorrow we’re headed for Brussels. I’m exhausted and my back muscles are raging a violent war against my spine.

On Monday I’ll be jetting back to the UK. I’ll be needing a holiday after that!